Subject: Membership Renewal

Subject: Membership Renewal

Dear David

This is a friendly reminder to let you know your gym membership expired
last week. Your membership is important to us and we would like to take
this opportunity to show our appreciation by offering you a 20% discount

on your membership renewal. We look forward to seeing you again soon.

All the best, Jeff Peters

From: David Thorne
Date: Wednesday 8 April 2009 1.37pm
To: Jeff Peters
Subject: Re: Membership Renewal

Dear Jeff,

Thankyou for your friendly reminder and the kind offer to reduce my
membership by twenty percent. I own a calculator but I could not work
out how to do percentages on it so have estimated that I save around
$372.10

off the normal price of $420.00 – Please confirm that this is correct
and I will renew my membership immediately. Also, do I get a Fitness
First sports bag with towel and drinking bottle included in the price? I
own my own legwarmers and headband.

Regards, David.

From: Jeff Peters
Date: Thursday 9 April 2009 10.01am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Membership Renewal Due

Hello David

How did you come to that amount? Our half year membership fees are
actually $460 but with the 20% discount as an existing member your
renewing membership fee would be only $368 for the six months saving you

almost $100 off the normal price. We are not Fitness First so do not
have those bags.

Cheers, Jeff

From: David Thorne
Date: Thursday 9 April 2009 10.18am
To: Jeff Peters
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Membership Renewal Due

Dear Jeff

Do I get free shipping with that?

Regards, David.

From: Jeff Peters
Date: Thursday 9 April 2009 12.48pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Membership Renewal Due

Free shipping with what? The $368 covers your membership fees for six
months.

From: David Thorne
Date: Thursday 9 April 2009 2.26pm
To: Jeff Peters
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Membership Renewal Due

Dear Jeff

By the power of Greyskull that is a lot of money but I admit to being in

desperate need of increasing my body strength. My ten year old child
often

turns the taps off in the bathroom very tightly and I have to go several

days without washing. I feel bad constantly having to ask the lady from
next door to come over and loosen them for me, what with her arthritis
and

limited wheelchair access to my apartment. To be honest, I originally
joined your gym with full intentions of attending every few days but
after

waiting in vain for someone to offer me steroids, I began to suspect
this was not going to happen and the realisation that I may have to
exercise instead was, quite frankly, horrifying. My aversion to work,
along with the fact one of your employees, Justin, was rather rude,
telling me to ‘lift this’, ”push that’ dulled my initial enthusiasm of
becoming muscular and I stopped attending.

Regards, David.

From: Jeff Peters
Date: Friday 10 April 2009 9.17am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Membership Renewal Due

Hello David

Not sure how to take your email, nobody here would offer you steroids,
it is illegal and none of our staff would do this. Justin is one of our
most experienced trainers and if you found him rude while he was trying
to be

helpful and just doing his job then there are plenty of other gyms you
could look at joining instead.

Cheers, Jeff

From: David Thorne
Date: Friday 10 April 2009 10.02am
To: Jeff Peters
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Membership Renewal Due

Dear Jeff

Yes, I have noticed that there are many gyms in my area. I assume the
low qualification requirements of fitness trainers means that there is
an over

supply of these buffed but essentially otherwise purposeless
professionals. I knew a guy in high school who couldn’t talk very well
and

collected sticks, he used to call the teacher ‘mum’ and during recess we

would give him money to dance. Then sell him sticks to get our money
back.

He went on to become a fitness instructor so I view gyms as kind of like

those factories that provide a community service by employing people
with down syndrome to lick stamps and pack boxes. Except with more
Spandex obviously.

Regards, David.

From: Jeff Peters
Date: Friday 10 April 2009 10.32am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Membership Renewal Due

Go f * ck yourself.

From: David Thorne
Date: Friday 10 April 2009 11.38am
To: Jeff Peters
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Membership Renewal Due

Dear Jeff

I was, at first, quite surprised at your response; one minute you are
inviting me to renew my membership and asking me for money, the next
insulting me. After doing a little research however, I have learnt that
mood swings are an expected side effect of steroid abuse. As another
side effect is a reduction in the size of your p#$%, this gives you
understandable cause to be an angry person. I have also learnt that
Spandex contains carcinogenic properties so this does not bode well for
yourself and your shiny friends. If I woke up one morning and my p#$%
was a quarter of the size I would probably take my anger out on those
around

me as well. There are probably support groups or websites that could
help you manage your problem more effectively and picture based books
available

on the subject for people with limited reading skills. When I am angry I

like to Listen to music by Linkin Park. The added angst and desire to
cut myself works similarly to the way firefighters fight forest fires by
burning off sections, effectively canceling each other out and I find
myself at peace. I understand that you guys usually listen to Pet Shop
Boys or Frankie Goes to Hollywood so this may be worth a try.

Regards, David.

From: Jeff Peters
Date: Friday 10 April 2009 1.04pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Membership Renewal Due

DO NOT EMAIL ME AGAIN

From: David Thorne
Date: Friday 10 April 2009 1.15pm
To: Jeff Peters
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Membership Renewal
Due

Ok.

From: Jeff Peters
Date: Friday 10 April 2009 1.25pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Membership
Renewal Due

Is that you being a smartarse or agreeing not to email me again?

From: David Thorne
Date: Friday 10 April 2009 1.32pm
To: Jeff Peters
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Membership
Renewal Due

The middle one.

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Posted by: funnyboy on Category: computers, sport