A judge asked a defendant to please stand. “You are charged with murdering a school teacher with a chain saw.”
From out in the audience a man shouted, “Lying bastard!”
“Silence in the court!”, the judge shouted back to the man. He turned to the defendant and said, “You are also charged with killing a paperboy with a shovel.”
“Tightwad!”, blurted the man again.
“Quiet!”, yelled the judge who continued, “You are also charged with killing a mailman with an electric drill.”
“Son of a…” the man started to shout when the judge thundered back, “If you don’t tell me reason for your outbursts right now, I will hold in contempt!”
So the man answered, “I’ve lived next to that man for ten years now, but do you think he ever had a tool when I needed to borrow one!”