todayilaughed.com

Q: Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months?
A: Because on the box it said From 2-4 years.

An executive was in quandary. He had to get rid of one of his staff. He narrowed it down to one of two people — Debra or Jack. It would be a hard decision to make, as they were both equally qualified and both did excellent work.

He finally decided that whichever one used the water cooler first the following morning would have to go.

After a long day of working, Debra was complaining of a headache, so she got a glass of water.

The executive approached Debra and said “Debra, I either have to lay you or Jack off.”

Debra replys “could you just jack off? i have a headache.”

A construction worker came home just in time to find his wife in bed with another man. So he dragged the man down the stairs to the garage and put his Wet Willy in a vise. He secured it tightly and removed the handle. Then he picked up a hacksaw.

The man, terrified, screamed, “Stop! Stop! You’re not going to..to..Cut it off, are you???!?”

The husband said, with a horrible gleam of revenge in his eye, “Nope. You are. I’m going to set the garage on fire!”