todayilaughed.com

Five surgeons are discussing who has the best patients to operate on.

 The first surgeon says, ‘I like to see accountants on my operating table because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered.’

 The second responds, ‘Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is colour-coded.’

 The third surgeon says, ‘No, I really think librarians are the best; everything inside them is in alphabetical order.’

 The fourth surgeon chimes in, ‘You know I like construction workers. Those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end, and when the job takes longer than you said it would.’

 But the fifth surgeon shut them all up when he observed, ‘You’re all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There’s no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains, and no spine, and there are only two moving parts - the mouth and the arsehole - and they are interchangeable’

Doctor, I’ve got a strawberry stuck up my arse!
I’ll have to give you some cream for that.

(she said she was clean!)

A dentist ran out of anaesthetic just before the last extraction for the day was scheduled.

He gave the nurse a very large needle, instructing her to jab it hard into the patient’s butt when the signal was given, so it would take his attention away from the tooth extraction.

It all happened in an instant.

The nurse, patient, and pliers were in place. The signal was given, and the nurse bayoneted the patient with the needle just as the dentist yanked the tooth.

Afterwards, the dentist asked, “Hurt much?”

The patient hesitated, “Didn’t hardly feel it come out. And, man, those roots were really deep!”

A guy walks into a doctor’s office with a duck on his head. The doctor rolls his eyes and says: “OK, this should be good . . . what’s your problem, Buddy?”

And the duck says: “Get this guy off my ass, Doc.”