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 And so it came to pass that the old priest lay dying in a hospital in Dublin. For years he had faithfully served the people of the nation’s capital. He motioned for his nurse to come near.
“Yes, Father?” said the nurse.
“I would really like to meet Brian Cowan and Brian Lenihan* before I die”. whispered the priest.
 ”I’ll see what I can do, Father”, replied the nurse.
 And she sent the request to Leinster House** and waited for a response. And soon the word arrived; Brian Cowan and Brian Lenihan would be delighted to visit the priest.
As they went to the hospital, Cowan commented to Lenihan,
“I don’t know why he wants to see us, but it will certainly help our images and might even get me re-elected.”
Lenihan could only agree  that it was a Good Thing.
And, as they stood beside his bed, the priest took Cowan’s hand in his right hand and Lenihan’s hand in his left. There was silence and a look of serenity filled the old priest’s face.
 Finally Brian Cowan spoke.
“Father, of all the people you could have chosen, why did you want us to be with you as you near the end?”
 The old priest slowly replied,
“I have always tried to pattern my life after Our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ.
“Amen”, said Cowan…
“Amen”, said Lenihan.
 And Father Paddy continued
“Jesus died between two lying thieves and I would like to do the same.”  
 
*Ireland’s Prime Minister and Finance Minister
**The Irish Parliament building

It is the month of August, on the shores of the Black Sea . It is raining, and the little town looks totally deserted. It is tough times, everybody is in debt, and everybody lives on credit.
Suddenly, a rich tourist comes to town.
He enters the only hotel, lays a 100 Euro note on the reception counter, and goes to inspect the rooms upstairs in order to pick one.
The hotel proprietor takes the 100 Euro note and runs to pay his debt to the butcher.
The Butcher takes the 100 Euro note, and runs to pay his debt to the pig grower.
The pig grower takes the 100 Euro note, and runs to pay his debt to the supplier of his feed and fuel..
The supplier of feed and fuel takes the 100 Euro note and runs to pay his debt to the town prostitute that in these hard times, gave her service on credit.
The hooker runs to the hotel, and pays off her debt with the 100 Euro note to the hotel proprietor to pay for the rooms that she rented when she brought her clients there.
The hotel proprietor then lays the 100 Euro note back on the counter so that the rich tourist will not suspect anything.
At that moment, the rich tourist comes down after inspecting the rooms, and takes his 100 Euro note, after saying that he did not like any of the rooms, and leaves town.
No one earned anything.
However, the whole town is now without debt, and looks to the future with a lot of optimism..
And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how the United States, Icelandic and UK Governments are doing business today.

I recently asked my friends’ little girl what she wanted to be when she grows up. She said she wanted to be President some day. Both of her parents, liberal Democrats, were standing there, so I asked her, ‘If you were President what would be the first thing you would do? ‘

She replied, ‘I’d give food and houses to all the homeless people.’

Her parents beamed.

‘Wow…what a worthy goal.’ I told her, ‘But you don’t have to wait until you’re President to do that.. You can come over to my house and mow the lawn, pull weeds, and rake my yard, and I’ll pay you $50.

Then I’ll take you over to the grocery store where the homeless guy hangs out, and you can give him the $50 to use toward food and a new house. ‘

She thought that over for a few seconds, then she looked me straight in the eye and asked, ‘ Why doesn’t the homeless guy come over and do the work, and you can just pay him the $50?

I said, ‘Welcome to the Republican Party.’

Her parents still aren’t speaking to me.

Son: “Daddy, I have to write a special report for school, but I don’t know what Politics is.”

Father: “Well, let’s take our home as an example. I am the bread-winner, so let’s call me Capitalism. Your Mum is the administrator of money, so we’ll call her Government. We take care of your need, so let’s call you The People. We’ll call the maid the Working Class and your brother we can call The Future. Do you understand son?”

Son: “I’m not really sure, Dad. I’ll have to think about it.”

That night awakened by his brother’s crying, the boy went to see what was wrong. Discovering that the baby had seriously soiled his diaper, the boy went to his parents’ room and found his mother sound asleep. He went to the maid’s room, where, peeking through the keyhole, he saw his father in bed with the maid. The boy’s knocking went totally unheeded by his father and the maid, so the boy returned to his room and went back to sleep.

The next morning he reported to his father.

Son: “Dad, now I think I understand what Politics is.”

Father: “Good son! Can you explain it to me in your own words?”

Son: “Well Dad, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, Government is sound asleep, the People are being completely ignored and the Future is full of $hit.”