The big flood

It had been raining for days and days, and a terrible flood had come over the land. The waters rose so high that one man was forced to climb onto the roof of his house.

As the waters rose higher and higher, a man in a rowboat appeared, and told him to get in. “No,” replied the man on the roof. “I have faith in the Lord; the Lord will save me.” So the man in the rowboat went away. The man on the roof prayed for God to save him.

The waters rose higher and higher, and suddenly a speedboat appeared. “Climb in!” shouted a man in the boat. “No,” replied the man on the roof. “I have faith in the Lord; the Lord will save me.” So the man in the speedboat went away. The man on the roof prayed for God to save him.

The waters continued to rise. A helicopter appeared and over the loudspeaker, the pilot announced he would lower a rope to the man on the roof. “No,” replied the man on the roof. “I have faith in the Lord; the Lord will save me.” So the helicopter went away. The man on the roof prayed for God to save him.

The waters rose higher and higher, and eventually they rose so high that the man on the roof was washed away, and alas, the poor man drowned.

Upon arriving in heaven, the man marched straight over to God. “Heavenly Father,” he said, “I had faith in you, I prayed to you to save me, and yet you did nothing. Why?” God gave him a puzzled look, and replied “I sent you two boats and a helicopter, what more did you expect?”

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Bim

If blondes and bimbos were the same thing, the prefix ‘bim’ could be used to create new words that describe them:

Bimbabble – noises coming from a group of blondes
Bimbaffled – constant mental state of blondes
Bimbait – short skirts, sheer blouses, string bikinis or other clothing worn by blondes in an attempt to attract the attention of males
Bimbar – a bar where blondes hang out wearing bimbait
Bimbag – a blonde’s purse
Bimbrushes – essential equipment in a bimbag
Bimbastic surgeon – specialist in breast enhancements for blondes
Bimbeeper – special instrument used as a homing device for lost blondes
Bimbellow – sound emanating from a blonde after she finally got the most recent blonde joke she heard
Bimbillion? – a blonde giving an estimate of anything
Bimblaze – the result of a blonde trying to cook
Bimblues – a blonde’s state of mind after her latest boyfriend ditched her
Bimboette – a young blonde
Bimbonese – language spoken by blondes, largely unintelligible to anyone else
Bimbonique behavior – airhead behavior, unique to blondes
Bimboozle – to fool a blonde
Bimbore – a blonde who uses “like” more than 10 times in a sentence
Bimbozo – another name for a blonde
Bimboron – a blonde even less intelligent than most other blondes
Bimbrownie – a well-tanned blonde
Bimbrunette – a blonde who dyes her hair brunette, usually to appear smarter than she actually is
Bimburden – blonde carrying too many bags at the mall

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Facts of life

A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when her daughter walks in.

“Mother, where do babies come from?”

The mother thinks for a few seconds and says, “Well dear, Mommy and Daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their bedroom, they kiss and hug and have sex.”

The daughter looks puzzled so the mother continues, “That means the daddy puts his penis in the mommy’s vagina. That’s how you get a baby, honey.” The child seems to comprehend.

“Oh, I see, but the other night when I came into your room you had daddy’s penis in your mouth. What do you get when you do that?”

“Jewelry, my dear. Jewelry.”

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Night out

A wife decides to take her husband to a strip club for his birthday.

They arrive at the club and the doorman says, “Hey, Dave! How ya doin’?”

His wife is puzzled and asks if he’s been to this club before.
“Oh, no,” says Dave. “He’s on my bowling team.”

When they are seated, a waitress asks Dave if he’d like his usual and brings over a Budweiser.

His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says,”How did she know that you drink Budweiser?”

“She’s in the Ladies’ Bowling League, honey. We share lanes with them.”

A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Dave, and says “Hi Davey. Want your usual table dance, big boy?”

Dave’s wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club.

Dave follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her. He tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it. She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every name in the book.

The cabby turns his head and says, “Looks like you picked up a real bitch tonight, Dave.”

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The less you know…

“Salary Theorem” states that “Engineers and Scientists can never earn as much as Business Executives and Sales People.”

This theorem can now be supported by a mathematical equation based on the following two postulates:

1. Knowledge is Power.
2. Time is Money.

As every engineer knows:
Power = Work / Time

Since:
Knowledge = Power
Time = Money

It follows that:
Knowledge = Work/Money.

Solving for Money, we get:
Money = Work / Knowledge.

Thus, as Knowledge approaches zero, Money approaches infinity, regardless of the amount of work done.

Conclusion:
The less you know,the more you make.

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